Ultimate Guide to Confident Connection
Paloma Lev Friday, January 18, 2019
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How To Create a Magically CONFIDENT Impression & Take Any Stranger from COLD to Captivated In Seconds!
I was the geekiest kid.
I had zero friends.
Unless, of course, you count Phyllis,
the 42-year-old, lunch lady.
She invited me over once when I was 9.
She was nice.
I baked her an apple pie.
I was super shy.
Which is funny. Because if you know me NOW... you know that with one confident conversation, I know I can turn anybody into a friend, collaborator or client.
It’s my superpower. It’s what I teach my clients.
But… I wasn’t born this way.
I was NOT always confident. I DIDN'T always accept myself as I do now.
Like ALL valuable things in life...it took some work.
As an entrepreneur for 8+ years, I went on the ULTIMATE confidence adventure.
I took meaningful risks that paid off massively. Taught others to do the same.
One risk that ALWAYS brings beautiful rewards is...
CONNECTION. Investments in other humans.
There's NO substitute for a confident connection.
Strangers become friends, collaborators, supporters & clients.
Relationships are your most valuable ASSETS + they expand over time.
If you can make a confident connection,
you open SO much possibility!
They say "Your network is your net worth".
It's alliteration so... it must be true!
We ALL know that good selling requires that the prospect knows, likes & trusts you.
It doesn’t hurt if you’re ADORED either.
I have a secret talent. Not only can I regularly pick the TACKIEST pink lipstick.....
But I attract remarkable people into my life daily.
If I'm at Starbucks & a Human's sitting within a 3-foot radius of me.....
They WILL become my new bestie.
In fact.... my good friend + PR Expert Marielle?
She & I connected in NYC...while I was waiting for a date.
• Magical chemistry.
• To be liked, trusted, respected & valued.
-To appear credible & knowledgeable.
• To create an explosive, powerful bond.
• To influence the conversation's outcomes.
You CAN turn Confident CONVOS from COLD into...
YOU DON’T WANT:
•To feel awkward.
•To make a bad first impression.
•To bore them so they forget you.
•To sell yourself short.
•To feel pushy, salesy or sleazy.
• To feel tense or forced.
• To “mess it up.”
So today I’m going to share with you 32 secrets for connecting confidently.
Who knows… you might even land a few clients!
1. The sooner you both laugh at the same thing, break the ice, make things playful and fun and ridiculous, the sooner you have a rapport. Yes: Humor is ALWAYS a risk. You risk alienating people & being misunderstood. BUT it's a risk that can pay off MASSIVELY in a feeling of closeness. Reduces tension. Makes you a human, not a robot. Laughing is agreeing.
2. The faster you find common ground, underlining unique similarities, realizing you share common beliefs, the sooner you build rapport (“You eat peanut butter & mayo too! OMG! My family thinks it's SO gross! But it’s so good, right?”)
3. The sooner you make a fun self-deprecating but confident joke (“I definitely don't know how to spell "rhinoceros": guess my English degree is null & void now…”), the sooner you build rapport.
4. The sooner you find a common enemy, the sooner you build rapport (“Oh man, you paid $3 for a peach? I know, I was in Manhattan last month too! To buy an apple in NYC, you need a take out a second mortgage!")
5. The sooner you ask them a question about themselves, ACTUALLY care about the answer, listen attentively and ask a thoughtful, kind, interesting follow up questions, the sooner you have a rapport
6. The sooner you smile a huge, friendly, genuine smile and giggle and laugh WITH them the sooner you have a rapport
7. The sooner you tell some specific, interesting, loving details about your family, friends or people close to you illustrating your core values, the sooner you have a rapport
8. The sooner you make a confession, tell them a secret, share a little piece of your life (choosing unapologetic sincerity above all else EVEN at a personal cost of exposing your truth) the sooner you have a rapport
9. The sooner you tell a great story, piquing the listener’s curiosity, using TENSION to win ATTENTION and taking them on a thrilling journey to a satisfying conclusion, the sooner you have a rapport
10. The sooner you say a “me too” (MEAN IT) and find a unique point of empathy, the sooner you have a rapport
11. The sooner you mirror their body language, pacing, tonality, word choice (without making it obvious) showing that you've UNDERSTOOD them [on THEIR terms in THEIR language] (“so what I hear you saying is…” “correct me if I’m wrong, here’s what I understand based on what you’ve shared…”), the sooner you have rapport
12. The sooner you make them feel safe, unthreatened, give them "yes" vibes, make them feel accepted not judged (“if I were you, I would feel the exact same way…”), liked, validated, (trusted, giving YOUR trust FIRST), the sooner you have a rapport
13. The sooner you HELP them, (asking great questions to discover their greatest pain & aspiration), offering them a meaningful resource or an insider piece of loving advice necessary to their goals, a helpful, non-obnoxious, kind-spirited, “if I were you, I might try…”, the sooner you have a rapport
14. The sooner you show that you are comfortable with yourself as a human, show mega confidence (core confidence not “shiny tooth-rotting inside” holier than thou braggadocio), with unapologetic acceptance of who you are, the sooner you have a rapport.
15. The sooner you illustrate that you have standards, that you have boundaries, that NOT everything goes with you, the sooner you build rapport
16. The sooner you subtly & not arrogantly show that OTHERS like you, respect, want, trust, rely on, fight for YOU, using social proof to build credibility, the sooner you build rapport
17. The sooner you illustrate that you are NOT needy and won’t suck them dry like a vampire LEACH, the sooner you build rapport
18. The sooner you illustrate that you’re not a doormat people pleaser (“trying too hard” is creepy, scary, suspicious, triggers our amygdala DANGER) (desperation= "I am in low demand”) the sooner you build rapport
19. The sooner you “tell it like it is” and speak frankly, accepting that NOT everyone will agree and that's fine, the sooner you build rapport
20. The sooner you can disagree with respect and kindness, the sooner you can build rapport (“That’s a really fascinating way of looking at it; it’s interesting, I always felt that XYZ but tell me more…”)
21. The sooner you give genuine, thoughtful compliments that come from a place of generosity and perceptive observation, the sooner you build rapport (Ex: “You remind me of my dear friend Sara; she is the most magnetic person in every party…")
22. The sooner you say their name correctly, many times, well-integrated into your chat, the sooner you have a rapport.
23. The sooner you show consideration for their feelings, truly seeing them as a person with their OWN wants and needs, the sooner you build rapport.
24. The sooner you encourage them to talk about themselves and eagerly listen and encourage them to tell you MORE, showing I am still curious, NOT tuning you out until it's MY turn to talk—the sooner you build rapport.
25. The sooner you help them without an AGENDA, without strings, without making them feel bad or embarrassed for receiving it, the sooner you build rapport (“I'd love to send you XYZ! You’re hilarious so I think you’d love it”)
26. The sooner you illustrate respect for their unique wisdom, appreciate their differences and celebrate them, the sooner you build rapport
27. The sooner you give someone the gift of your uninterrupted attention, full presence, and curious interest, the sooner you build rapport
28. The sooner you give them credit for being right, being smart, being the originator of the idea, the sooner you build rapport. ("Marissa's idea was brilliant because...")
29. The sooner you amplify or second their idea with your vote of confidence (“Thanks to Martha…” “Todd had a great idea we may want to explore. Adding shrimp to Mac & Cheese…”) the sooner you build rapport.
30. The sooner you believe in & encourage their dreams to help them feel they are not crazy for trying, they can do anything, the sooner you build rapport.
31. The sooner you realize that NO one is above or below you, (not the Queen of England, not the homeless man on the street, not your client, not your intern, not the person who cleans your home) and realize that everyone knows something that’ll blow your mind, the sooner you build rapport.
32. The sooner you make THEIR priorities YOUR priorities, make THEIR desires the center of your pitch, make it about THEM, not you, appeal to their self-interest, the sooner you build rapport
Ultimately, friends, rapport-building takes time. IT'S a long game. You MUST understand what the other person wants MOST deeply in life. It takes time to discover their interests.
Remember: Don't worry; sometimes there isn't chemistry! No biggie. Just go eat a popsicle.
Don’t take it personally. In the rapport-building process, you’ll find your peeps. Your peeps turn into your adoring fans and with enough love & nurturing, those adoring fans will pull out their wallets and ask for more!