The Worst Mistake I Made as a Leader
Hilary Jastram Thursday, May 16, 2019
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Co-dependent leadership is alive and well in this millennium.
You can find it in the form of people seeking alignment and the proverbial teat suckling, and in the leader getting high off helping.
I have been in both positions and to a degree wasn’t even aware I was a part of either.
You know how giving feels so good it can seem selfish?
YOU get the joy from seeing the smiles, from hearing relief, from holding your laced fingers together as a step to help another level up. But likely, you are a person who is quite uncomfortable accepting help or gifts from others and maybe you even keep a tally of what you have given versus what you have received to make sure you are always giving more? This is another topic that requires a different article...how we short change ourselves by refusing gestures of assistance or even suggestions.
The bigger picture is that we can operate our businesses lopsidedly and we can even take on the responsibility that other’s livelihoods are our responsibility. But when we do this we don’t prepare our team for what happens when the day comes that they can’t fish. It’s not fair to them to put yourself out there as the missing link to abundance and then let them down because you set them up! I wrote a similar article on the danger of helping too much where we can want to see and be the affluence for other people so much that we run into our own upper limits.
> Overpaying your team? Are you sure you are not just comfortable with a certain amount in your bank account?
> Offering huge referral fees? Are you feeling guilty for your success? Why?
> Are you inextricably tying other people’s journeys to yourself?
This is harmful to yourself and for your team members. You are not a sugar daddy (or momma) and no one wants that kind of influence in their life anyway.
Co-dependency means you:
> Take away a person’s confidence and faith in themselves.
> Weaken your team, instead of fostering independence, individual thought and skill sets
> Are a micro-manager aka a control freak
> Limit the potential of everyone on your team
>Isolate your team into silos that discourage interconnection
As hard as is it to not want to finally make a difference in your life, you need to focus on your goals as you support others. But first, you need to define what is your business and what is not. And it’s pretty simple to identify...other people’s goals do not depend on you. You have to not personalize pain that isn’t your own. Do not hamper other people’s abilities to build, connect, reach, enhance, and express themselves in their businesses and lives.
You go live yours.
And then forgive yourself, burgeoning leader.
Your ideal utopia of wanting to save the world and the people you love is okay.
Acting on it so it becomes a distorted reality is not.
But you are human and you can always make a different choice.
Every day gives us that opportunity and isn’t that the definition of universal abundance?
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